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Ever feel so run down?

Posted by Claudia | February 28, 2007 .

Sure you have. Have you ever felt so BLAH that you wondered seriously what your life would be like if you never had the kids? Tonight is one of those nights, and I feel guilty as hell, but what can you do?

It’s not a biggie, like falling into a depression, it is more like my fantasy part of my brain is goin into overdrive.

I would go horseback riding, I would be a police officer and help those who are in a bad situation, I would be driving a truck with Rock 101 blaring. I would be thinking of having A child soon. I would be having wild mindblowing sex with some gorgeous construction worker or some other police officer hehehe.

Instead am looking at four loads of laundry(one of the loads are still a bit damp, even worse!) and the smell of baby diarreah is in every room I walk in.

I have a sink full of dishes to wash, story of my life, I don’t even have a dishwasher! The kids had homework they NEEDED to complete so I couldn’t even hoist that job onto them.

The dad leaves right after dinner and doesn’t even tell me where he is going. My son is sick with a fever, and my babe has the runs, and diaper rash, and a kind of rash in her neck crease that is bothering her and she cried herself to sleep because I really had NO patience to cuddle her.

So I have stuff to do and I am just feeling like I could have done WAY better. A selfish but fleeting thought. I am not delusional and would never give my babies up if I had a chance to live my life differently. I always hear moms say “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired”. hmm sounds familiar.

Run down and stomped on, hehehe, thats how I feel right now. But its good to write it out. Lord knows my ass is flat enough, why not make it more flat by plunking it down at the computer? Heh!

Oh if people are thinking HEY life is what you make of it, DO SOMETHING! please know that I realize that…I am just being human and I will be alright in a little bit. Gonna fold that laundry while thinking of a way to talk hubby into wearing a belt of tools…HAH!


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4 Comments so far
  1. Heather February 28, 2007 10:36 pm

    Don’t feel as though you are alone out there in diaper and laundry land - trust me - it does get better eventually!

    My kids are grown up now and actually becoming human beings. There’s money left in the account at the end of the month and I can buy myself a treat once in a while :)

    It’s good you can vent here - and really great you know it’s a temporary insanity!

  2. B February 28, 2007 10:56 pm

    I don’t have kids, but I can imagine it is a full time job that is very thankless.

    My brother is a single dad to a 7 year old girl - his wife died when his daughter was 2. I talk to him a lot and he is constantly exhausted and always scrambling to find time for anything. But when I see how much she adores him, and just wants to spend so much time with him and have his attention and love, I remind him that that is what it is all about (as tiring as all the rest of it may be).

    I think everyone gets a little run down by the humdrum routines of life. I certainly don’t like endless laundry and cleaning etc. I suppose I would feel a lot more humdrum about it if I was doing it for a household which seemed unappreciative. But I am certain your family love you and cherish you, and realize how totally lost they would be without you running the show.

  3. Claudia March 1, 2007 7:06 am

    You are right B. They do know how valuble I feel I am.Did that make sense? hahaha! When I am heading off to work I hear “mom if you can, come home early?” Aww.
    And Heather I know I will MISS these days when they all are grown, weird eh?

  4. crunchy March 1, 2007 8:03 am

    Oh man…as I step on scattered kitty litter, and pick the fur of the clean laundry……add another pile of dirty laundry to the wash and pick up another stinky diaper…..I sooooo hear you.

    The drudgery of everyday life can sure overwhelm any of the good stuff.

    I just find that every day I feel like I am in some sort of siege and just holding on….no advancement, no back or forward….just hanging on to what ground I have.

    It is very exhausting.

    I really need ‘me’ time and not me time that means coming back to a disaster….so I have to figure out how to do that.

    Yep….

    But it is true…it ain’t forever and live is constantly changing and shifting and you never know what is going to happen next.