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Second Guessing Ourselves…..

Posted by crunchy | January 18, 2007 .

The life sentence of motherhood.

I have been surfing around some of my favourite mommy blogs and we have all sorts out there, many with quite a brood…3,4 even 6 kids (which totally boggles my mind that someone can stay SANE with six kids), we have mom’s happy with their one special being, some expecting number two and others struggling with the new found challenges that a second child can bring.? Two IS more work than one!!!
All have one thing in common.? They are constantly revisiting their choices, decisions, feeling, thoughts. It never ends.

Motherhood seems to mean that you run a constant dialogue in your head. A yammering, stuttering, sputtering, hemming and hawing, conversation with ourselves.?

I think from the moment we are pregnant, no matter the circumstances, we immediately start to question our ‘decision.’? We fret and worry and we tend to fret and worry about things our respective partners would not have picked as the BIG worries.

My husband worried about the big things.? Health, welfare, finances.? Me?? I think I worried about not liking my child or my children not having the same interests as me.? Weird things.? Now I worry about how messed up my kid will be listening to me bitching and kvetching.? Or SHOULD I be concerned when my four year old son thinks two round mounds in the snow resemble my ‘nip nips’ under a sweater.? Thanks, I think???
Most mom’s seem to worry about having that NEXT child though.

We got suckered in because Adam was a fun baby.? And life was not TERRIBLY different with him…we considered him our miracle and all that ..but once I was over all my physical and PPD nightmare’s…things mosied along pretty nicely.

So we had number two.? Now I feel like I am fighting some long drawn out military campaign with very evenly matched sides and the only thing that will stop this impasse is either one side just giving up or one of us bringing out the WMD’s……is there boarding school pre school??

In reality, I think anyway, what would change this attitude is a new and fresh take on the dynamics in our family.? Climbing out of our rut.? Adjusting all attitudes.? That can be achieved.? It just takes a bit of an effort.

And I think perspective makes a huge difference when you are tired and embattled and worried and second guessing yourself about being a good parent and your decision to breed not once but twice or even more!

Humour helps too.? Laughing at ourselves.? Being aware of our weaknesses and then being able to let go.

Easier said than done when we are worrying away.

So to those out there incubating a second or third. ? Don’t worry.? All will be well.

You will find your groove.? You will readjust.? You will manage.


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6 Comments so far
  1. QuiltNut January 19, 2007 12:23 pm

    incubating *snicker*

    honestly i never imagined i would be a mom to 4 kids! it still amazes me that i am sane(or relatively so lol!) with having them all running around but life is never dull!

  2. CyberCelt January 26, 2007 6:08 pm

    Sure, it will all be better. Yeah, yeah, that’s it. That’s the ticket … when they move out…

    Here from Blog Village Carnival.

  3. Linda January 26, 2007 6:50 pm

    I have a 25-year old son, a 14-year old daughter, and another 13-year old daughter … trust me, it DOES get better with time as they get older. Leastways it seems to me that it did!

  4. Linda January 26, 2007 6:51 pm

    P.S.,

    Come over by way of the Blog Village Carnival!

  5. John Masters (JAM) January 26, 2007 7:51 pm

    Good advice, and hard earned too. Our second daughter was difficult, after our first had us spoiled.

    I can’t imagine having had more, but my wife wishes we had.

    (I’m here from the Blog Village Goes Gonzo Carnival.)

  6. Janey Loree January 27, 2007 10:34 pm

    I had two boys and my brother had two girls. It seemed like I had four! We have lost one of my neices and would gladly go through the kids growing up a hundred times just to have her back again.

    I followed your link from the BLOG VILLAGE Goes Gonzo Carnival!!!