Who…Us?

A short while ago, Motherhood Uncensored was talking about being THAT family in a restaurant. You know, the ones that are struggling just to contain the wild beasts children so that they can…oh…eat? We’ve been relatively lucky because I can only think of two times in 12 years where we were “that” family…but oh, Jake made one of them very memorable.

One spring break, years ago when he was just two, we had decided that it was time to get away and enjoy a little sunshine. We booked the hotel, and off we went, anticipating an idyllic get away in Victoria. Just a few hours down island so it wasn’t a long drive; perfect for little kids.

Jake had other ideas. Sleep? Wadda mean, sleep? That hotel room was far too fascinating. Better to stay up all night and party! Who wants to party alone, why not get Mom and Dad in on the action? Besides, there’s all day to sleep because who cares that Mom and Dad want to actually see things during the day?

Thus went the entire trip.

“Okay Hon, this is really cool-the BC Museum has this awesome exhibit on, and I just found some parking (can’t believe it took 1/2 hour), so let’s go!”

“Umm…Jake is sleeping. Like, dead to the world.”

Or…..

“Oh, this is fun, I haven’t been to this place in YEARS!”

(from the back seat) zzzZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz……..

“Do we dare wake him up and endure the screaming?”
“We didn’t come all this way to watch him sleep.”

Yep-we constantly woke him up, and by the end of the day he was a bleary eyed, out of control toddler who, although he was dead tired, just would not sleep. It was at this point when I realized why my parents gave us Gravol on long car trips.

So it went until the very last day until finally, all of us were spent. On the last evening decided to go out for dinner at a chain restaurant that we enjoyed, but rarely ate at since Jake had been born. We settled into our booth and suddenly Jake looked very, very, tired.

“Aw buddy, just lay your head down in my lap and go to sleep if you want, it’s okay.” Hubs slid over and made a comfy spot for Jake. “He must be so tired,” Hubs murmured as he gently stroked Jake’s back.

We ordered our dinner and began talking quietly, when we heard a small rumble. Our eyes met across the table, quizzically…

NO. Oh mother of God, NO WAY YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING.

The rumble began again, and this time we knew we should run but there was nowhere to go. The rumble was coming from Jake.

Suddenly, with little warning, a fountain of puke of EPIC proportions spewed from that little two year old body and instantly covered Hubs, the seat, the floor, and the booth. Have you seen the Trident Splash commercials? Think THAT.
(minus the watermelons)

“Oh my God! No! Stop!” Hubs backed into the corner of the booth in horror, trying to escape the fountain but without success. Just as suddenly as it started, Jake stopped and there we sat-two frazzled parents, a wide eyed toddler; all of our eyes like a deer caught in the headlights, sitting in a booth full of puke.

“Ewwww…what’s that SMELL?!” came from the table behind us. People began to turn and look in our direction as Jake began to sob.

“Quick! Mop it up!”

“Oh god, I can’t believe…”my voice trailed off as I looked up, and standing there, shock and disgust written all over his face, was our waiter. “Um…..” My voice was faltering. Oh my God this is embarrassing, I’d just crawl under the table right now..if it wasn’t covered in puke….

“We’ll take dinner to go,” Hubs smoothly interjected. “As fast as possible.”

“Uh…RIGHT.”

We made it back in our hotel room without anymore puke fountains, washed out Jake’s clothes and tucked him into bed; desperately hoping that maybe he’d sleep. It became a parental plea to the heavens, which God obviously ignored.

I know this because 5 minutes later Jake began chattering and jumping on the bed, back to his old energetic self and so ready to par-tay!

Hubs picked up a styrofoam container, picked at the food, and pushed it away.

“I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Me too.”

“Do you think we’ll ever go there again?”

“Not likely.”

“At least we left the waiter a big tip.”

“That’s true.”

“Well, there is one good thing about all of this.” I picked up a cold french fry and chewed thoughtfully.

Hubs was incredulous. “Good thing? The kid puked all over the booth. How can anything related to that be good?”

“Nobody here knows us.”

Cross-posted on Notes From the Cookie Jar